By Lee Larossier
Every single who is involved with online dating knows the deal: Good online connection feels promising. But, it's not until the two of you meet in person that the discovery of any real chemistry or possibility of romantic relationship is determined.
And that can put a lot of pressure on both people. The all-important first date: where do you go? What do you talk about? Should you kiss? How much of the date is an interview and how much is just a shared romantic experience?
It's true that a first date can be one of the most nerve-wracking, anxiety-producing situations we face in our society. One of the things that makes first meetings so nerve-wracking is how much stock we place in them. It might be hard not to think about the future and whether this first meeting might be the one to end all first meetings.
While at times the first date can set the blueprint for a healthy, long-term relationship, at other times we might crash and burn after only a few dates. One way to boost the probability of a longer-term positive outcome involves a strategic approach to first date conversation: Preparation of questions intended to achieve more than pleasant conversation.
While conventional first date doctrine may emphasize the idea that simple, genuine interest goes a long way, it is important to employ interest strategically. That is, use your opportunity for first date questions to discover if this person is your soul mate-or maybe not. Either way, it's exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world.
Consider the following:
Make sure you open a space for a full range of information.
Using follow-up questions is a good way to direct the conversation.
Pay close attention to what he/she says.
Make a concerted effort to limit conversations that derive from frivolous first date questions such as, "what are your pet peeves", "if you could be any animal, what would that be", and "who is your favorite celebrity and why?"
In our current viewpoint, the first date should attain a special kind of significance: No, not an opportunity for something more intimate. What we want here is to construct an attitude or approach to first date communication that represents both our intellectual and emotional sides. Thus, we share facts about our life, but focus on the things about our life that we love. As we do this, we open a space for our date to feel safe to do the same.
Though conventional viewpoints on first date behavior may well disagree with what I am about to say next, the reality is that first date behavior is best based on two different and opposing processes: romance and interview. Your challenge is to accomplish the latter while indulging in and enjoying the former.
A main takeaway here must be to ensure that our first date is enjoyable: keep it simple, inexpensive, low-key, and full of enjoyable conversation. However, perhaps even more important is the notion of strategic focus: Make sure that along with pleasant conversation are integrated some key questions designed to promote an enhanced understanding of our date's potential for healthy romantic relationship.
About the Author:
Knowing and asking the right strategic questions on a first date can guard against dating that goes nowhere. For more information about the strategy of first date questions, visit www.FirstDateQuestions.net.
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